I’ve often said, kids don’t come with an instruction book and parenting is not an exact science. There is no master check list of things you must teach your children. We just kind of wing it. Parenting is a reactive process, we see our kids about to do something stupid and we react. This has changed little since cave man tried to keep cave boy from throwing rocks at the wooly mammoth. Meanwhile cave mom would mutter something like, “He’s your son!”
I was thinking about the things I’ve learned over the years and I wonder how much I’ve passed on to you. Most of these pearls of wisdom have been discussed at one time or another but I’m not always sure when you are listening. Just like telling you that “The stove is hot, don’t touch!” but you had to burn yourself at least once before you realized that maybe I had some good advice. Perhaps if I put it all in writing then I can say, “I told you.” Parents, especially Moms, like to say “I told you.” It gives them the satisfaction that they at least tried, no matter the outcome. The spoken or written warnings and advice seem to fall on deaf ears but every now and then it warms my heart when I hear my own words come out of my children’s mouth.
So here’s a list of random thoughts that you may find helpful on your journey through life. Put it to good use. If you do something stupid and it’s not on the list, don’t you dare say that I didn’t warn you. Just add it to the list and pass it on to your children.
~The basic stuff~
True wealth cannot be measured.
If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times; I’m wealthy in the things that truly matter. Oh sure a couple million bucks would be fun but if you ask me what makes me happy I will say family and friends. Love is the ultimate pot of gold.
Go with the grain before you go against it.
While demonstrating to the boys how to shave I showed them how you get a better shave by going in the direction of the beard before going against it. What a wonderful metaphor. When you shave think about how much easier it is to make change once you learn how things work. Many times I have jumped to the wrong conclusion by not taking the time to first understand. You can learn a lot about people places and things by just being quiet and watching.
You can’t understand everyone’s point of view, but you should try.
Republicans, Democrats, Atheists, religious people, pro this, con that and all other polarized groups of people drive me nuts. Everyone has some good points but there seems to be a general unwillingness to compromise. My advice is twofold. First gather as many facts as you can and decide for your self what to think. Second, there are a lot of idiots trying to tell you what to think by passing on bogus “facts”, good luck.
Listen to your inner self.
There are times when instinct is trying to tell you something. Other times it’s just guilt. Either way, you should listen.
“You can be anything you want”, is a bunch of crap.
When you were little and all through elementary school we told you that you can be anything you want, we lied. Life gets too complicated to be able to do anything and be anything. Environment, physical characteristics, natural talent, education and just dumb luck will dictate what you become. Learn to make the best of your situation. Remember, if at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you!
Be forgiving, especially to the ones you love.
We’re human, we screw up, get over it. I wonder how old you were or what event led you to realize that mom & dad make mistakes. I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, and people are not perfect. Some people are dammed annoying and you probably can’t change them but you can change your reaction. Of course all of this does not apply to your mother, she’s perfect.
If you screw up, admit it and accept the consequences.
If you wait, the small lecture can turn into a lynch mob. So when you are caught red handed, and you continue to try and lie your way out of trouble, what happens? The lectures, grounding and beating continues until either you fess up or Mom and Dad run out of steam. The punishment doubles because of the added offense of lying. It’s a whole lot easier to just get it over with….or not get caught.
Laugh at yourself.
A good sense of humor will see you through a lot of life’s difficult moments, especially raising children.
~Fixing things~
Troubleshoot with your brain.
People have a tendency to dive into a problem and often jump to the wrong solution. If the thing-a-ma-jig isn’t working, stop and think about it for a while. Think about all of the possibilities before you take it apart. Take time to really look at it and try to visualize how it should work. It’s not much of a stretch to apply the same rules to people and relationships.
Measure twice, cut once.
The problem with this old saying is that we sometimes use the wrong measurement. This is why most home handyman projects take more than one trip to the store and go over budget. But we still get the satisfaction of fixing or making something our self.
You can’t fix all broken things.
Sometimes you just can’t put Barbie’s head back on a fourth time. Now you have a choice, buy a new Barbie or let your child know you can’t fix everything for them. On your way back from the store you think to yourself, when they are older you’ll stop trying to fix things for them. I have yet to figure out exactly what age that is.
~Relationships~
Read to your children.
If I had to name the single most rewarding thing that I have done as a Dad, it would be bedtime reading with the kids. What a wonderful and relaxing way to end the day. Your questions and comments allowed me to see the world through your eyes. I loved how you would giggle when I changed the story. I loved how you would cuddle then slowly melt into the mattress and fall asleep. This bedtime ritual had the added benefit of getting me to read for myself which was not a habit that I picked up as a child. Perhaps one day you will return the favor and read to me.
Your parents are smarter than you think.
Your kids are smarter than you think too!
Avoid guessing a woman’s age.
The proper response to “Do you like my new hairdo?” is, “How do you like it?”
My warning to the guys, this is a very dangerous question, be careful how you answer. I can tell you from experience that laughing out loud and saying “Did you mean to do that!” is not a very good answer.
My warning to the girls, be careful of what you ask, you might not like the answer.
Knowing when to ignore is almost as important as knowing when to listen.
Sometimes people do or say stupid things. Don’t dwell on it.
Love is a wonderful thing.
There is no tried and true formula to know when you have met the right person to spend the rest of your life with. It’s a feeling that can not be described, you just know. Your soul mate is someone who is perfect just the way they are. Never enter a relationship thinking that you might change them, lots of divorced people can tell you how well that works.
~Travel~
Sometimes drive with the radio off.
Silence is good for the sole and in this hectic world our car is often the best place for a little reflection time. Every now and then turn off all of the electronic gadgets and enjoy the quiet. It also has the added benefit of allowing you to hear a new rattle or squeak that needs to be fixed.
Sometimes shortcuts can get you lost but,
The great family shortcuts have lead to a lot of beautiful scenery. Sometimes the trip is more interesting than the destination.
On long road trips stop often.
Children and old people need to stop often. Perhaps they are the wise travelers. Get some fresh air, stretch and use the bathroom. If a child says they don’t have to go, make them go anyway, otherwise you will need to stop about a minute or two after you pass the last convenient stopping place. Actually they may have to go even if they went at the last stop. This may be due to the large drink you gave them to keep them quiet. This is where Dixie cups come in handy.
~Random Thoughts & sayings~
Who left this mess? Not me. Not me. Not me.
Some day I’m going to discover that we had a fourth kid living in our house.
Is it yours? Do you have permission?
Always remember speech number 1.
Are you sure?
This question is used in place of:
I don’t think you thought about your answer very well.
I know you said you don’t have to go but you’ll want to stop in five minutes.
I already know the answer and I’m giving you another chance to admit you did it.
I think you are full of it.
Early is on time
Late is unacceptable for most things.
If you borrow it, put it back
Get over it
If it smells bad,
Clean it
Don’t eat it
The dog will like it.
~Religion~
I think that it would be wonderful if all around the world the idea of religion and churches ceased to exist. If people would just accept that there are some things that can only be explained by some sort of higher being or master plan that we will probably never have the capacity to fully understand. Life is good, be kind to others and the environment and they will usually be kind to you. It’s that simple.
GRANDKIDS!!!!
are fun
I was thinking about the things I’ve learned over the years and I wonder how much I’ve passed on to you. Most of these pearls of wisdom have been discussed at one time or another but I’m not always sure when you are listening. Just like telling you that “The stove is hot, don’t touch!” but you had to burn yourself at least once before you realized that maybe I had some good advice. Perhaps if I put it all in writing then I can say, “I told you.” Parents, especially Moms, like to say “I told you.” It gives them the satisfaction that they at least tried, no matter the outcome. The spoken or written warnings and advice seem to fall on deaf ears but every now and then it warms my heart when I hear my own words come out of my children’s mouth.
So here’s a list of random thoughts that you may find helpful on your journey through life. Put it to good use. If you do something stupid and it’s not on the list, don’t you dare say that I didn’t warn you. Just add it to the list and pass it on to your children.
~The basic stuff~
True wealth cannot be measured.
If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times; I’m wealthy in the things that truly matter. Oh sure a couple million bucks would be fun but if you ask me what makes me happy I will say family and friends. Love is the ultimate pot of gold.
Go with the grain before you go against it.
While demonstrating to the boys how to shave I showed them how you get a better shave by going in the direction of the beard before going against it. What a wonderful metaphor. When you shave think about how much easier it is to make change once you learn how things work. Many times I have jumped to the wrong conclusion by not taking the time to first understand. You can learn a lot about people places and things by just being quiet and watching.
You can’t understand everyone’s point of view, but you should try.
Republicans, Democrats, Atheists, religious people, pro this, con that and all other polarized groups of people drive me nuts. Everyone has some good points but there seems to be a general unwillingness to compromise. My advice is twofold. First gather as many facts as you can and decide for your self what to think. Second, there are a lot of idiots trying to tell you what to think by passing on bogus “facts”, good luck.
Listen to your inner self.
There are times when instinct is trying to tell you something. Other times it’s just guilt. Either way, you should listen.
“You can be anything you want”, is a bunch of crap.
When you were little and all through elementary school we told you that you can be anything you want, we lied. Life gets too complicated to be able to do anything and be anything. Environment, physical characteristics, natural talent, education and just dumb luck will dictate what you become. Learn to make the best of your situation. Remember, if at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you!
Be forgiving, especially to the ones you love.
We’re human, we screw up, get over it. I wonder how old you were or what event led you to realize that mom & dad make mistakes. I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, and people are not perfect. Some people are dammed annoying and you probably can’t change them but you can change your reaction. Of course all of this does not apply to your mother, she’s perfect.
If you screw up, admit it and accept the consequences.
If you wait, the small lecture can turn into a lynch mob. So when you are caught red handed, and you continue to try and lie your way out of trouble, what happens? The lectures, grounding and beating continues until either you fess up or Mom and Dad run out of steam. The punishment doubles because of the added offense of lying. It’s a whole lot easier to just get it over with….or not get caught.
Laugh at yourself.
A good sense of humor will see you through a lot of life’s difficult moments, especially raising children.
~Fixing things~
Troubleshoot with your brain.
People have a tendency to dive into a problem and often jump to the wrong solution. If the thing-a-ma-jig isn’t working, stop and think about it for a while. Think about all of the possibilities before you take it apart. Take time to really look at it and try to visualize how it should work. It’s not much of a stretch to apply the same rules to people and relationships.
Measure twice, cut once.
The problem with this old saying is that we sometimes use the wrong measurement. This is why most home handyman projects take more than one trip to the store and go over budget. But we still get the satisfaction of fixing or making something our self.
You can’t fix all broken things.
Sometimes you just can’t put Barbie’s head back on a fourth time. Now you have a choice, buy a new Barbie or let your child know you can’t fix everything for them. On your way back from the store you think to yourself, when they are older you’ll stop trying to fix things for them. I have yet to figure out exactly what age that is.
~Relationships~
Read to your children.
If I had to name the single most rewarding thing that I have done as a Dad, it would be bedtime reading with the kids. What a wonderful and relaxing way to end the day. Your questions and comments allowed me to see the world through your eyes. I loved how you would giggle when I changed the story. I loved how you would cuddle then slowly melt into the mattress and fall asleep. This bedtime ritual had the added benefit of getting me to read for myself which was not a habit that I picked up as a child. Perhaps one day you will return the favor and read to me.
Your parents are smarter than you think.
Your kids are smarter than you think too!
Avoid guessing a woman’s age.
The proper response to “Do you like my new hairdo?” is, “How do you like it?”
My warning to the guys, this is a very dangerous question, be careful how you answer. I can tell you from experience that laughing out loud and saying “Did you mean to do that!” is not a very good answer.
My warning to the girls, be careful of what you ask, you might not like the answer.
Knowing when to ignore is almost as important as knowing when to listen.
Sometimes people do or say stupid things. Don’t dwell on it.
Love is a wonderful thing.
There is no tried and true formula to know when you have met the right person to spend the rest of your life with. It’s a feeling that can not be described, you just know. Your soul mate is someone who is perfect just the way they are. Never enter a relationship thinking that you might change them, lots of divorced people can tell you how well that works.
~Travel~
Sometimes drive with the radio off.
Silence is good for the sole and in this hectic world our car is often the best place for a little reflection time. Every now and then turn off all of the electronic gadgets and enjoy the quiet. It also has the added benefit of allowing you to hear a new rattle or squeak that needs to be fixed.
Sometimes shortcuts can get you lost but,
The great family shortcuts have lead to a lot of beautiful scenery. Sometimes the trip is more interesting than the destination.
On long road trips stop often.
Children and old people need to stop often. Perhaps they are the wise travelers. Get some fresh air, stretch and use the bathroom. If a child says they don’t have to go, make them go anyway, otherwise you will need to stop about a minute or two after you pass the last convenient stopping place. Actually they may have to go even if they went at the last stop. This may be due to the large drink you gave them to keep them quiet. This is where Dixie cups come in handy.
~Random Thoughts & sayings~
Who left this mess? Not me. Not me. Not me.
Some day I’m going to discover that we had a fourth kid living in our house.
Is it yours? Do you have permission?
Always remember speech number 1.
Are you sure?
This question is used in place of:
I don’t think you thought about your answer very well.
I know you said you don’t have to go but you’ll want to stop in five minutes.
I already know the answer and I’m giving you another chance to admit you did it.
I think you are full of it.
Early is on time
Late is unacceptable for most things.
If you borrow it, put it back
Get over it
If it smells bad,
Clean it
Don’t eat it
The dog will like it.
~Religion~
I think that it would be wonderful if all around the world the idea of religion and churches ceased to exist. If people would just accept that there are some things that can only be explained by some sort of higher being or master plan that we will probably never have the capacity to fully understand. Life is good, be kind to others and the environment and they will usually be kind to you. It’s that simple.
GRANDKIDS!!!!
are fun